i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
