Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
operation have a gay friend backfired
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
