Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
