Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
