She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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