Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
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