if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
