please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
