We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
