Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
