Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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