She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
