Already got asked if we're dating
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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