is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
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No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
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BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
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