Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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