I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
