i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
