took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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