Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you will always have a special place in my vag
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
