the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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