so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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