I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
