we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
