I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize