awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
