I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize