This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
