i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
