Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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