i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
