We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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