You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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