The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm at about main and main street
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
