No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
