I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
