He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
