Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
