Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
