Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
