Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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