actually, I'm a sock model
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
