Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
