and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
