i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
True college students do jello shots in the library
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
