his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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