and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
