Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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