he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
