found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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