Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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