Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
