No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
