i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
