I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
