So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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