I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
