do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
