Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
