my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
