we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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