why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
