epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
