she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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