he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I still have a little drunk in my system
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
