Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
