38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
