look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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