I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
