So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
