I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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