My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
