peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
