Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
