You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
